Friend and Foe

There are various reasons why people choose to stay in relationships which no longer serve either person. Maybe one does not want to feel alone, one is too dependent on the other, one feels the other cannot survive without them, or one feels deserving of the misery the relationship brings. The reasons are many and truth lies in none of them. A person can get to the root of their beliefs to understand why they have participated in a relationship that has run its course. She may use therapy, self-reflection, divine help or have a clear moment of thought such as an epiphany.

At the beginning of my spiritual transformation, I asked God to remove all the people in my life who no longer served a purpose or supported my spiritual development and He did. He also replaced them with great people. One friend, who was part of those who were removed, recently popped back into my life with a problem of her own making but one in which she blamed others for. I had not talked to her since she last called me many despicable childish names and wrongly accused me of transgressions heard through hearsay. She indifferently requested my help as if nothing had occurred between us. I struggled with her materialization and thought maybe she had been working on herself and was ready to move forward along her journey like I had. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I made contact only to find nothing had changed. I was confused as to why she was back and then I understood. Although she had been removed many months ago, I did not learn the lesson or rather was not aware of the overall lesson regarding friendship, so she had to reappear. I was humbled by this revelation and certainly grateful for it.

I had my own “a-ha” moment. While my spiritual transformation continued, I found that certain friends were no longer supportive of who I was becoming. They could not understand or relate to what I was going through even when I tried to explain it. They were not where I was and no amount of explanation on my part could get them there. Their spiritual development was not developing as mine was and I could not wait around expecting them to catch up because that would be a disservice to me. It was not my duty. Each person is responsible for their own spiritual development and some choose to never go down that path.

I also had concerns with the character of certain friends. Some did things I could no longer ignore. I did not feel comfortable with friends who thought it was okay to lie or steal. I did not like being in the company of friends who participated in idle gossip. I did not appreciate friends who took no accountability for their actions, especially for mistakes that had been made. I did not understand why one would not choose to take responsibility for her life and always saw fit to blame others for everything that went wrong in her life.

I then stopped and looked at myself because when you are transforming it is important to understand where you have been and why you were there. Why was I friends with people like this? I was their friend because I felt a responsibility or rather a loyalty to be their friend. I never asked myself whether I really wanted to be their friend; instead I just assumed that position and in doing so made the assumption that all of their actions were acceptable. I came to resent them and became angry at them and myself but never understood why until now. They made plenty of mistakes but so did I. I never should have put myself in a passive position. I should not have been the one friends always depended upon to solve their problems. I made myself less than important by always putting their problems before my own. I also hurt them by not letting them solve their own problems, impeding their growth to learn how to resolve issues on their own. I should not have always turned the other cheek when a friend hurt me. I should have stood up for myself and held them accountable for their actions. I disrespected myself by not honoring my feelings. I let them believe that it does not matter how you treat people; something I am firmly against. It always matters how you treat others! Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. I let them use me and allowed myself to be used.

Well, it’s no wonder why I was so angry. I am still transforming and learning but I am becoming wiser everyday. I hold values and beliefs that are an important part of who I am now. They are not just words to preach; they are words to live by. I respect who I am and in doing so will gain the respect of others. I understand and take responsibility for the mistakes I have made in my friendships. I forgive all who have hurt me and apologize to all whom I have hurt. I also forgive myself. I fully release past relationships that no longer reflect who I am and send them all love and many blessings on their chosen paths. I am ready to move forward with more heart centered friendships.

During a spiritual transformation, certain relationships will come to an end because they do not support or enhance the spiritually connected person you are becoming. Whomever you are parting from is not a “bad” person but their spiritual development is not aligned with your own; so as you are growing and moving forward, the other person is moving along at a different pace which creates distance. Confusion, discord, and detachment can be found in this distance and instead of blaming each other, one or both, can choose to separate so each is still learning and emerging as they were intended. Although it would be lovely if each could grow together, spiritual development is designed specifically for each individual. Everyone experiences their path differently and mistakes, lessons, and understanding come at different times for each. The good news happens to be that the Universe will provide another relationship that is almost equivalent to where you are along your path. The Universe does not remove without replacing. Support, compassion, joy, and appreciation will be the foundation for all new relationships so your journey can be continued with greater ease. New friendships formed are created from the heart.