Overpowered By Anger

She can feel her heart racing. Her breath becomes shallow and short. Her head then becomes lightheaded and feels like she could almost pass out. She notices her clenched jaw and that every single muscle in her body is tightening as the seconds pass. An increase in body temperature causes her skin to flush and she feels her blood begin to boil. She begins to tremble and forms her hands into fists. Adrenaline surges through her body and explodes as she raises her fists over her head and bangs them down on the desk while shouting profanities like there is no tomorrow. This woman is livid. She is utterly enraged at someone who has played on her last kind nerve. She wonders if this irritant she is talking to could be as brainless as his words have proven to be. The niceties she tried to display in a calm and clear manner have been replaced with harshness and contempt. This normally cool, collected and kind-hearted woman is infuriated at his irrational reasoning where he has concluded that his mistakes are her fault. She is exhausted trying to reason with the
unreasonable. She will not waste one more minute entertaining ignorance. She disengages and realizes she has allowed herself to be overpowered by anger.

Whoever has felt like this raise your hand?

I felt like this the other day when I was trying to communicate with someone. After the conversation ended, I was so angry at them but I was also angry at myself. I could not believe I allowed my anger to control me. After all I have learned, in that moment of provocation, I forgot how to conduct myself. This person was already angry and became accusatory so I became defensive. I could have talked to this person until I was blue in the face and they still would not have understood what the real problem was. I should have never engaged with this person to begin with knowing full and well their acerbic state of mind. My affirmations: When I come across someone who is angry, I will calmly choose to tell them I cannot talk to them in this state and I will walk away and only resume a conversation when their serene mindset returns. I will rise above the situation and set a positive example. I will not be swallowed by their anger or allow my own anger to control me. I am calm, relaxed, and always in control of my emotions.

Anger is a natural emotion experienced by all human beings at some time. To immediately stop the threatening behavior of someone, anger chooses to emerge. One can be angered by a person, an event such as a traffic jam, a personal problem or a past incident. When a person feels attacked it is instinctive to want to become defensive and fight back. Anger is not a bad emotion as long as it does not hurt anyone and is expressed in a healthy manner. If one is angry at someone it is important to express one’s needs in an assertive way without being aggressive. The first thing to do would be to calm down. Remember when you were upset and someone advised you to count to ten? They knew that returning to a calm state would allow the heart rate to return to normal, the muscles would relax, and clarity of mind would reappear. In a calm state, one’s needs can be clearly described and being able to come to an agreement about how those needs can be met in a respectful way benefit everyone. Anger in one usually instigates anger in another and although you cannot control another’s emotions it is important to always remember that you can control your own. Those who can rise above destructive anger are the ones who know how to remain in control and not relinquish power over to anger.

Anger becomes not only becomes destructive if aggressively taken out on someone else but it also is harmful if one chooses to suppress anger. Anger turned inward can cause people to become angry at themselves. It can also lead to serious medical problems like high blood pressure or depression. If one chooses to restrain their anger it can turn into passive aggressiveness and a hostile, critical disposition. Some individuals have issues with anger and need help on managing anger. Anger management classes are helpful for those who are easily angered, frustrated, or annoyed. People learn how to recognize triggers for anger, understand the source of their anger, and learn how to channel their anger in a healthy way. For instance, my brother was a “hothead” and he told me that he liked getting angry. He liked the feelings of anger building up within him and described how good he felt when he exploded. In this instance his source of anger could be physiological. The adrenaline rush he feels when he gets angry could be addicting. Other things that affect his anger could include factors in his immediate environment. Through therapy, he has learned to control and express his anger appropriately.

When anger arises, acknowledge it, calm it, then let it go through healthy expression.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ~Buddha

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