Courtesy Is Kindness in Action

As a society we have become almost obsessed with identifying and asserting our rights - to think, say, and do what we want. That's not surprising, given the history of our country and the prominent role the Constitution and Bill of Rights have played in shaping our culture.

We have a right to be unkind, thoughtless, and disrespectful - but it isn't right. Ralph Waldo Emerson pointed out, "Life is short but there is always time for courtesy."

The idea is to act in ways that make the people we are dealing with feel valued. Courtesy is kindness in action.

It starts with good manners - saying please, thank you, and excuse me. But real courtesy involves more thoughtful ways of showing respect. Courtesy is a form of kindness. It matters how we address people and how we greet them, as well as how we eat, talk, and cough in their presence.

Courtesy involves remembering important occasions, buying thoughtful gifts, and sending personal thank-you notes.

Making people feel important is part of courtesy, so it's important to remember that whether or not people remember what we say or do, they do remember how we made them feel.

Make eye contact, truly listen, and show genuine interest in the lives of others by asking them questions and remembering their answers. A good start is to keep in mind H. Jackson Brown's insight: "Everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something."

Always be kinder than necessary because you can never be too kind.

Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org

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“Like the body, the soul must also be nourished daily.”

Martin Luther King, Jr. "I Have a Dream"

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only". We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

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“Like the body, the soul must also be nourished daily.”

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To Help Me Look Within God Sent Me an Angel

All I saw was a McDonald's bag. I could smell the obnoxious odor of fried beef and fried potatoes; I hated McDonald's food. I transferred this feeling to the person who entered the room because it was his fault that I was feeling like this. He was holding the bag. His name was Jeff. Jeff belongs to an anonymous family of people trying to reach serenity through a power greater than themselves with a vigilant pursuit in spiritual principles to find the best of life. I never saw the person because I had already built a boundary between us. How long did it take? How long does it take to smell? Not long. So, I transferred the feeling of doom to a person I didn't even know. The mind that is undirected in spiritual principles and not accompanied by a higher power responds to everyday life just this way.

On, December 31, 2010, Jeff was found dead on the floor in his bedroom. Now, how do I feel? I pushed him away because of my own prejudice. He was a happy spirit trapped in compulsive behavior that had made his life miserable. He had health problems, self-esteem problems, eating problems, back problems, leg problems, feet problems, and living arrangement problems. He had so many problems that I wondered how he mustered up the strength to attend meetings every day.

He walked with a limp sideways because his shoes were very old and worn which caused him to wobble. He was always carrying a big drink container with an oversized food bag full of goodies he snacked on during the meetings. He wore double-layered clothes and had a pair of gloves. He moved around many times during the meeting, going to the lavatory, getting up to put a used cup or paper in the trash, and sometimes he would just stand up for minutes at a time because his back hurt or he got sleepy.

But in spite of all the movement and all the distractions, Jeff was at every meeting. I remember one day in particular; he got up to go to the lavatory. I was talking during the time and he just stood in front of me like I could read his mind. He suddenly interrupted me and asked for the lavatory key. I became livid, but I handed him the keys. At the end of the meeting I said, "Jeff, don't ever interrupt me when I am talking." The look in his eyes were like big water drops; he felt he had hurt me and was sorry. In that moment I felt as tall as an ant.


Jeff would hug everyone at every meeting. He made his rounds like clock-work. I resented this spirit that he had. I got to the point that I didn't want him to hug me but I allowed him to hug me anyway. I didn't want him to say, "Hi, Brenda." Jeff always said, "Hi Brenda,” and I didn't tell him to stop. I didn't want what he had to give. I am truly a broken person for feeling like I did not deserve his love. I would do anything for a, “Hi” and one of his hugs right now. He was like me, broken and reaching out for love. Too often, I do not realize that the person I resent the most is me for needing other people. I needed Jeff and my higher power made sure I got a chance to meet him. I didn't understand that God sent me an angel so I could look at myself.

The last time I saw Jeff, he came into the meeting with a McDonald's bag. He came in late so I missed his hug that night. I missed his, “Hi.” I noticed he had on new shoes that were green and black. He didn't wobble anymore. He sat down and then he moved to a seat between two other people. He began his usual ritual -- eating chicken, french fires, and yogurt. He had his big drink and his oversized food bag. He had a smile on his face although he was very ill. He showed us how to work a program of love.

I will truly miss Jeff; I didn't know how much I cared for him until now. He never missed a meeting and I loved that about him. There is so much I loved about him and I never told him. But, I think Jeff knew I loved him because he never stopped giving me love. I watched him like a mother watches her own children. Jeff was one of my children. I will miss him. I will always love him.

Looking back on this experience I have learned that we don't pick the people that come into our lives and their presence is no accident. The universe is constantly giving us answers and sometimes we misunderstand the lesson at first, but the universe does not give up teaching us what we need to know or what we need to learn: to be human and share ourselves. Forgiveness is a learned experience that God gives us as a tool. We must first forgive ourselves before we can forgive others. We must love ourselves before we can love others. This is why I must always believe that the answers are right in front of me if I open my heart and listen.

Brenda T. Brown (Ms. B) has published her first poetry book entitled Every Mother’s Daughter. She continues to write, teach, and help others take steps in the direction of their dreams. Visit her website at: www.brendatbrown.webs.com

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“Like the body, the soul must also be nourished daily.”

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An Answer to a Christmas Prayer

Let us remember to help someone during this season. If everyone made an effort to remember to help one person, what a difference this would make in the world. One person serving another impacts life in ways indiscernible to the eye.

Who is on your list? Who needs you?

Listen to your heart and the person who needs you will come to mind.

I was going out to the store yesterday and the person I needed to help came to mind. I called this individual and even though she did not ask for help, I knew that she needed me to extend my hand. What a compliment I received when she said that God had heard her prayer. She told me about her troubles and I had no idea that she was struggling to put food on her table. I went to her home and gave her my gifts of support and love because I was open enough to hear the message from my higher power that she needed help.

I am grateful that I was able to be of service to her and that I was open enough to be guided.

All gifts do not come wrapped up in pretty paper under a tree. The gift of love should be given every day. Look around and you will see that someone needs you right now. Help someone today and the blessings you will receive will uplift your spirit and fulfill your purpose by being of service to someone who needs you. You could be the answer to someone’s prayers.

Remember to extend love, compassion, and kindness to another being each and every day.

Brenda T. Brown (Ms. B) has published her first poetry book entitled Every Mother’s Daughter. She continues to write, teach, and help others take steps in the direction of their dreams. Visit her website at: www.brendatbrown.webs.com

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“Like the body, the soul must also be nourished daily.”

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For the Man Who Hated Christmas

It’s just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past ten years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas--oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it--overspending... the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma---the gifts given in desperation because you couldn’t think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way.

Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended; and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church. These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler’s ears.

It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn’t acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, “I wish just one of them could have won,” he said. “They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them.” Mike loved kids - all kids - and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse. That’s when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition--one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn’t end there.

You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more.

Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing to take down the envelope.

Mike’s spirit, like the Christmas spirit will always be with us.

By Nancy W. Gavin

This true story was originally published in the December 14, 1982 issue of Woman’s Day magazine. It was the first place winner out of thousands of entries in the magazine’s “My Most Moving Holiday Tradition” contest in which readers were asked to share their favorite holiday tradition and the story behind it. The story inspired a family from Atlanta, Georgia to start The White Envelope Project and Giving101, a nonprofit organization dedicated to educating youth about the importance of giving. To learn more about honoring a loved one through this special tradition, please visit www.Giving101.org/WhiteEnvelopeProject. On the site, you can browse a catalog of unique giving opportunities, create and send your own white envelope gift, purchase charity gift cards, and more.

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“Like the body, the soul must also be nourished daily.”

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Surviving Being Alone on Christmas

Four more days until families and friends unite to spend one of the most celebrated seasons together. Being far from home and away from all the people I love during Christmas time makes my heart sink just enough to miss everyone but remain grateful that I have loved ones to miss.

Going to parades and the Christmas tree lighting with all the families and couples in town proved to be too much for my heart to bear. I have never spent a Christmas without loved ones so I had to figure out how to handle my feelings of joy and loneliness. I discovered a few ways to keep the spirit of Christmas within and around me without the company of my family or friends.

• Thank Goodness for Technology: It makes it easier to keep in touch so I have been using my cell phone, email, and webcam to chat with everyone. This is bittersweet because although I am able to see and hear the people I love I am not able to hug them.
  
  
• Socializing: I have been going out and interacting with others who appear to be on their own this time of year. Face to face social interaction elevates the spirits and the connection made lessens the sting of solitude in the season. This is true no matter the season.
  
  
• Community Involvement: There are food banks, toy drives, and church dinners for the homeless that need volunteers. By helping others we help ourselves.
  
  
• Cherished Memories: I find reflecting on Christmas memories gone by help fill a bit of what is missing in the now. I travel back in my mind and bring forth love and laughter into my present experience.
  
  
• Music and Movies: I love listening to Christmas songs and watching Christmas movies. Both also hold special memories and serve the purpose of distracting me while whisking me away for a moment in time.

Have you ever spent the holidays alone? What have you done?

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“Like the body, the soul must also be nourished daily.”

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The Best Christmas Gift of All

I have always sent out Christmas cards every year since I was a teenager.  I would send them out to everyone including people I have not talked to in months and to people I have not seen in years. This year, not feeling in tune with the Christmas Spirit, I chose not to send out any cards. And of course the one year I choose not to do this is the year I get the most wonderful unexpected surprise of my life. 

When I was around 5 years old, my parents and my two younger brothers, moved next door to this elderly couple. From the moment we moved in, it was clear that there was some discord between them and our family. Years passed by and many battles over noise, land, trespassing, and other disputes caused me to not like them and in turn I figured they hated us. We also heard they did not like their own children so we concluded for certain that they did not like my brothers and me. 

Years later after my mother’s divorce, things began to change and a reconciling slowly took place due to the fact my mom always extended a kind hand their way. If she saw them, she would always stop and chat for a bit especially with the woman. As time passed, the elderly woman began to have many health problems and my mother would always show concern for her well being. If the man was working on something, my mom would offer a compliment on a job well done. Before my brothers and I knew it, these cold, hard people actually became warm and friendly. If we walked by, they would stop and talk to us. We, in time, thought of them as our adopted grandparents.

Eventually we all moved away but the couple remained there in the old neighborhood. I kept in touch via my yearly Christmas card, even though I never received one back in return. It did not matter though because I do not send out cards in order to receive. My purpose is just to give. Last December, my mom flew into town and we decided to go and visit our favorite elderly couple. I had already sent them their Christmas card. 

Upon our visit, we learned his wife had passed away a few months back. One of his daughter’s had come to live with him and it was apparent how distraught he was. But in his grief, he turned to me and thanked me for the beautiful card I had sent him. I thought about him on the ride home and how a life without her would be very hard for him. The story of how they met is what helps me continue to believe in romantic soul mates.

One year later, a few days before Christmas, I opened my mailbox and inside laid the most magnificent present I have ever received. It was a Christmas card from my favorite elder man. I opened it up and read what he had written. It stated how last year was the most difficult time in his life and he was sorry he did not send me a card back. He wrote he missed our family and it was nice seeing us again. He also saved my card from last year because he thought it was so nice. And he signed it with, “We didn’t forget”. 

Well my heart filled with so much joy and the tears flowed non-stop. After all these years, I know I have made a difference in someone’s life and he and his wife have definitely made a difference in mine. I did not have anything to do today but my purpose became clear. I immediately ran out and purchased him a personal Christmas card of his very own and included a little key chain, in memory of his wife, with the Corinthians passage of, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” I know he misses his wife terribly and I shared with him the many things he made my heart feel today. I will forever be grateful for the little Christmas card that reminded me of the true reason why I send out cards; to let people know they are never alone.

Merry Christmas Mr. & Mrs. M.

*Re-posted from 12/09/10

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“Like the body, the soul must also be nourished daily.”

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Lean This Way

I love you, I am sorry, and I need help are said to be three of the hardest statements to say to someone else. All three invoke a state of vulnerability. Anyone who expresses their love for another is open to rejection if the other person does not feel the same way. Those who express their remorse for causing pain to another brave the chance of being denied forgiveness. A person in need of help, who already may feel guilty asking for assistance, may be exposed to someone who turns them down.

In the illusion of the ego driven world, being vulnerable is parallel to being weak and weakness in our society is deemed inexcusable. We are brought up to be the best and the brightest we possibly can be. We are raised in a competitive environment where there has to be a winner. Looking out for number one and separating from the group are thought to be good methods to achieve success.

For myself, my vulnerability would reside in asking for financial help. If I need any other kind of assistance, I have no problem shouting out a request for help from the mountain tops but asking for money turns my insides out. If I need financial support, I feel like a failure. I think about how I should have made better decisions and had planned a smarter financial portfolio for myself. I never learned about financial planning and my parents certainly never taught me how to manage money. I learned to do as they did. I could balance a checkbook but my savings account rounded zero more often than I would like to admit. Growing up with a single parent, money was always scarce and living paycheck to paycheck was common place. I grew up and repeated the same pattern. I was always working in order to live. I was a slave to money and its abundance was always out of reach. The last time I had to ask my mom for money, I cried. I cried in shame and in remorse because I knew she needed her income to pay her own bills. I was an adult and thought adults were supposed to be able to handle their own responsibilities without asking for help. I felt like a disgrace and a burden.

I thought about my feelings surrounding myself and money and was bothered by them. Financial abundance can never come into awareness with the underlying belief that money is hard to get or always out of reach. If one part of me thinks that money is a horrible master always inflicting pain and suffering on its servant, then abundance in all its glory is not anywhere in sight. If I think asking for financial help is shameful, then how can the Universe align me with it? I cannot ask the Universe for abundance and expect to get it if I really think I am doing a disgraceful thing by asking for it. The Universe does not differentiate between who I ask but in my sincerity of the request.

New thoughts and new beliefs were needed in how I related to money. First I needed to look at my feelings when I asked for financial help. At any point in someone’s life, no matter how much one has planned, unexpected events can happen where a person finds herself in a situation that requires her to ask for financial assistance. This humbled person courageously places herself in the hands of another in hopes that her request will be answered. Another’s ability to answer and accept the request shows compassion but the blessing comes in two parts. The first blessing was that the person was around to serve as support for her and the second was that the person had the means to provide assistance. Furthermore, I needed to believe that money did not define who I am. It does not outline my character or my worthiness as a human being. I needed to believe that money was an abundant blessing in my life and I am blessed to be able to pass on that blessing to others. In Doreen Virtue’s recent newsletter, she writes, “…when you allow yourself to receive, you have more available to give to others.”

I am blessed to have a support system to lift me up when I am down. We are a group and if one of us falters there is always someone to step in to encourage and provide assistance. If my supporters needed my help, I would gratefully offer it because I know how hard it is to ask. Some go a long time without needing support and forget what it feels like to reach out when it becomes necessary. When someone achieves victory, success does not depend on one; it is the accumulation of support given by all. Support comes in many forms and it is a gift to have a support system to lean on in times of distress. God is alive and well in this support. Depending on the season, sometimes a person is one who serves as the support system and at other times is the one who is supported.

I dedicate this to all of my supporters especially my mom and dad who are my two favorite heroes which I love deeply and hold in the utmost respect. I love all who have ever been there for me. I apologize to anyone in my past who I did not support or anyone I made feel like a burden. I was wrong and am happy to have seen the error in my ways so I never do it again. Please feel free to lean on me and I promise to stand strong until you are able to do so on your own. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Friend and Foe

There are various reasons why people choose to stay in relationships which no longer serve either person. Maybe one does not want to feel alone, one is too dependent on the other, one feels the other cannot survive without them, or one feels deserving of the misery the relationship brings. The reasons are many and truth lies in none of them. A person can get to the root of their beliefs to understand why they have participated in a relationship that has run its course. She may use therapy, self-reflection, divine help or have a clear moment of thought such as an epiphany.

At the beginning of my spiritual transformation, I asked God to remove all the people in my life who no longer served a purpose or supported my spiritual development and He did. He also replaced them with great people. One friend, who was part of those who were removed, recently popped back into my life with a problem of her own making but one in which she blamed others for. I had not talked to her since she last called me many despicable childish names and wrongly accused me of transgressions heard through hearsay. She indifferently requested my help as if nothing had occurred between us. I struggled with her materialization and thought maybe she had been working on herself and was ready to move forward along her journey like I had. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I made contact only to find nothing had changed. I was confused as to why she was back and then I understood. Although she had been removed many months ago, I did not learn the lesson or rather was not aware of the overall lesson regarding friendship, so she had to reappear. I was humbled by this revelation and certainly grateful for it.

I had my own “a-ha” moment. While my spiritual transformation continued, I found that certain friends were no longer supportive of who I was becoming. They could not understand or relate to what I was going through even when I tried to explain it. They were not where I was and no amount of explanation on my part could get them there. Their spiritual development was not developing as mine was and I could not wait around expecting them to catch up because that would be a disservice to me. It was not my duty. Each person is responsible for their own spiritual development and some choose to never go down that path.

I also had concerns with the character of certain friends. Some did things I could no longer ignore. I did not feel comfortable with friends who thought it was okay to lie or steal. I did not like being in the company of friends who participated in idle gossip. I did not appreciate friends who took no accountability for their actions, especially for mistakes that had been made. I did not understand why one would not choose to take responsibility for her life and always saw fit to blame others for everything that went wrong in her life.

I then stopped and looked at myself because when you are transforming it is important to understand where you have been and why you were there. Why was I friends with people like this? I was their friend because I felt a responsibility or rather a loyalty to be their friend. I never asked myself whether I really wanted to be their friend; instead I just assumed that position and in doing so made the assumption that all of their actions were acceptable. I came to resent them and became angry at them and myself but never understood why until now. They made plenty of mistakes but so did I. I never should have put myself in a passive position. I should not have been the one friends always depended upon to solve their problems. I made myself less than important by always putting their problems before my own. I also hurt them by not letting them solve their own problems, impeding their growth to learn how to resolve issues on their own. I should not have always turned the other cheek when a friend hurt me. I should have stood up for myself and held them accountable for their actions. I disrespected myself by not honoring my feelings. I let them believe that it does not matter how you treat people; something I am firmly against. It always matters how you treat others! Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. I let them use me and allowed myself to be used.

Well, it’s no wonder why I was so angry. I am still transforming and learning but I am becoming wiser everyday. I hold values and beliefs that are an important part of who I am now. They are not just words to preach; they are words to live by. I respect who I am and in doing so will gain the respect of others. I understand and take responsibility for the mistakes I have made in my friendships. I forgive all who have hurt me and apologize to all whom I have hurt. I also forgive myself. I fully release past relationships that no longer reflect who I am and send them all love and many blessings on their chosen paths. I am ready to move forward with more heart centered friendships.

During a spiritual transformation, certain relationships will come to an end because they do not support or enhance the spiritually connected person you are becoming. Whomever you are parting from is not a “bad” person but their spiritual development is not aligned with your own; so as you are growing and moving forward, the other person is moving along at a different pace which creates distance. Confusion, discord, and detachment can be found in this distance and instead of blaming each other, one or both, can choose to separate so each is still learning and emerging as they were intended. Although it would be lovely if each could grow together, spiritual development is designed specifically for each individual. Everyone experiences their path differently and mistakes, lessons, and understanding come at different times for each. The good news happens to be that the Universe will provide another relationship that is almost equivalent to where you are along your path. The Universe does not remove without replacing. Support, compassion, joy, and appreciation will be the foundation for all new relationships so your journey can be continued with greater ease. New friendships formed are created from the heart.

Find Fulfillment in Work

To do something you truly love, to find fulfillment in your career, to impact someone else’s life by touching the deepest part of their soul through your work, has to be a great part of living the most amazing dream. I know it is mine.

Pat Monahan, lead singer in the band Train, describes this feeling:

"I still remember what it's like to paint houses," he recalls. "I had fun because I loved the people that I worked with, but it's really not what I want to do – not because it's a degrading job or anything, but because when I'm on stage I feel so much more connected to who I think I truly am. I just want to stay connected to the highest level myself can be and I think it comes through music.”

I believe when we are truly in tune with the divine, especially in our working life, we connect with something that is so ethereally magical that it manifests in the most beautiful ways. It connects people, mesmerizes people, it touches people’s hearts and stirs their emotions. By being connected to the divine, you also connect them. These people who are in sync with this power are said to be brilliant, talented, and gifted and indeed they are. They have discovered their divine gifts to share with the world and in return not only have they been blessed, we have been blessed by them. Their gifts shine brightly, not to diminish anyone, but to inspire others to find their own light. Some people know their gifts immediately and other people’s gifts lie dormant within waiting to be discovered. Even though I have always written, I never considered it to be a part of my life purpose. It was not until I was guided to write and share my story with others that I became aware of how this gift of writing affected and helped others. It helps heal the reader and author at the same time. Writing has been a true blessing in my life. I consider writing to be one of many gifts to be uncovered for my life purpose. Writing connects me to who I really am. It is never too late to go after your heart’s desires and if you think it is then a change in perspective and belief may be on the horizon. Everyone was born with gifts to share so do not let them depart this life with you. As stated by many, “Don’t die with your music still in you.” People can realize their dreams and achieve all the happiness and success they deserve.

Great inspiration below…

Click here to see a boy who discovered his gift at age six: The Child Who Paints Like An Old Master

Experts have said that the six-year-old's atmospheric paintings, which began with harbor scenes and expanded to include rural vistas, animal portraits and landmarks, have perspective, shadow and reflections that demonstrate an ability well beyond his years.

At age 73, Ken Mink has made a triumphant return to college basketball. Not as a fan or a referee, but as an actual member of the team. “OK, my dream’s coming true,” he said. A fine example of never being too old for a second shot. Click here to read his story: At 73, he’s oldest player shooting college hoops

Giving and Receiving Help

It is never a burden to care for another or be cared for. The one who thinks it to be a burden or feels guilt about being a burden has made an err in judgment. The perspective is askew and the belief is not aligned with the righteous. It is a blessing to comfort and seek comfort. It is a blessing for the one who provides comfort; for the one who provides comfort is steeped in humility. It is a blessing for the one who receives comfort; for he is immersed in grace. The one who is able to give can only do so from a humble heart. He has put aside his own needs to serve the needs of another. The one who has accepted the kindness of another learns that a charitable heart can open the grateful one. Both hearts need each other to continue to grow. They each serve one another in their congruency. No one is greater. They are equal. The acts of giving and receiving are each a blessing.

Spirited Love

Love is fluid. It is everywhere and in everything. Just like a circle, love has no ending and no beginning. Love transcends time, space, body, and mind. Love is an entity of its own and resides closest to the soul. Its power is limitless and its boundaries are none. I am a part of love therefore I am free to give love and receive love. If I try to withhold, distort, or abuse it, it is no longer love; for love cannot be reshaped into something it is not.

Love is always love. I recognize love in others not by looking at their outer appearance or their status in life but by looking within. My spirit connects with their spirit and I know love. By communing with love, I am able to love someone who is no longer with me and I am able to love someone I have yet to meet. Our souls are all connected and in that connection there is love.

Focus Out

“Sometimes a miracle is a seed that is planted in time. Years later it manifests, and you never know what part of the sunlight you were to help it germinate to fruition. Maybe what you are currently doing is not about you but about the miracle you are creating for someone in need.” (What Is Your Life’s Mission)

I receive this monthly newsletter called, Angel Scribe, and the above story offered a perspective I easily overlook at times. In my current career, I hear wonderful things from my clients such as, “You are a blessing” and “We are so grateful we found you” and while I appreciate the comments I don’t really think I stop and actually “hear” them. Even though I am in the process of moving onto something else I need to recognize that I have served a great purpose for others. I am grateful for the opportunity to have been what people have needed at the time they needed it. We all serve a purpose and are placed in moments not necessarily for ourselves but to be of service to others. We are specifically chosen to be someone else’s miracle because of our unique talents, gifts, and character; no one else could do it better. That knowledge, in and of itself should make anyone feel like a star.

As Mary Ellen, from Angel Scribe has said, “So, the message is...not everything is about you. Be the sun's radiant magic to someone's miracle; change a life.”

Family Ideal

We change and grow together or we change and grow apart. The latter is not an option. Failure is not expected. We strive for success. We choose to embrace one another and if one of us needs to embark on a new adventure then we all unite and move forward in the direction that beckons one of us to go. Change may shape us differently but we will never allow it to set asunder what we represent. Although we are individuals, differing in many profound ways, our differences do not separate us; they complement who we are as a whole making us stronger together. We each fly out in the direction that enchants our hearts but are always able to return and find solace in our home. Our uniqueness adds meaning to us. It is the essence of who we are. There is a special power in being able to come together to make a unified whole. We support and guide each other, give and take, atone and forgive, accept and acknowledge, love and cherish. We are a family.

I did the above free writing because my little writing angel or angels have been in my ear about the topic of family. I know I’m supposed to write when certain lines go through my mind non-stop until I put pen to paper then all is quiet again. Sometimes the lines go faster than I can type but since they are always repeated I eventually catch up. I stopped and looked at what I had written and hoped to include this idea of what a family could be into my life when I choose to begin my own family. Everyone knows there is no such thing as a perfect family but I have seen some families that come close to the ideal I have free written about. There are families that no matter their differences, or mistakes, or transgressions, they can always find a way to support and love one another. In their family ideal, their resolute is that love does conquer all. During the holidays, when families convene together, some families assemble in peace and other families come together under an umbrella of stress. When family tension arises, it is hard to be thankful for them in same moment you would rather not know them. I can certainly identify with this but I do my best to remember why I need to stay positive. I tell myself I may not be able to see them next year for whatever reason or I can remember to present compassion because I know they are still growing and have much to learn. Basically, I try to take the high road simply because I know I can. My family is not perfect and passing judgment seems to be easier for them than dispensing love however I still love and accept my family as they are. They are their own people and I am mine. When all is said in done, when a crisis arrives, everyone forgoes their egos and bands together to conquer whatever has attacked us. This is a familial strength I admire about us.

There are also those who do not have families, at least of the biological kind. And honestly, family consists of whomever you invite into your life with love. It is who you surround yourself with in good and bad times. Some families consist of friends, neighbors, and colleagues. I definitely have friends I consider to be a part of my family. These people can be considered more precious simply because they are freely chosen and not biologically destined. Family can also include pets and places. Just as there are a variety of ways to translate the word family, there are even numerous more ways to translate its meaning. I have a family ideal in my mind which resonates well for me and each person has to ascertain what will work best for them. It is also worthwhile to note that the family ideal does not begin with everyone; it begins with one.

Embrace your family today and reach out to anyone who may be spending today alone. Merry Christmas!

The Little Christmas Card

I have always sent out Christmas cards every year since I was a teenager. I would send them out to everyone including people I have not talked to in months and to people I have not seen in years. This year, not feeling in tune with the Christmas Spirit, I chose not to send out any cards. And of course the one year I choose not to do this is the year I get the most wonderful unexpected surprise of my life. When I was around 5 years old, my parents and my two younger brothers, moved next door to this elderly couple. From the moment we moved in, it was clear that there was some discord between them and our family. Years passed by and many battles over noise, land, trespassing, and other disputes caused me to not like them and in turn I figured they hated us. We also heard they did not like their own children so we concluded for certain that they did not like my brothers and me. Years later after my mother’s divorce, things began to change and a reconciling slowly took place due to the fact my mom always extended a kind hand their way. If she saw them, she would always stop and chat for a bit especially with the woman. The elderly woman began to have many health problems and my mother would always show concern for her well being. If the man was working on something, my mom would offer a compliment on a job well done. Before my brothers and I knew it, these cold, hard people actually became warm and friendly. If we walked by, they would stop and talk to us. We, in time, thought of them as our adopted grandparents.

Eventually we all moved away but the couple remained there in the old neighborhood. I kept in touch via my yearly Christmas card, even though I never received one back in return. It did not matter though because I do not send out cards in order to receive. My purpose is just to give. Last December, my mom flew into town and we decided to go and visit our favorite elderly couple. I had already sent them their Christmas card. Upon our visit, we learned his wife had passed away a few months back. One of his daughter’s had come to live with him and it was apparent how distraught he was. But in his grief, he turned to me and thanked me for the beautiful card I had sent him. I thought about him on the ride home and how a life without her would be very hard for him. The story of how they met is what helps me continue to believe in romantic soul mates.

Today, I opened my mailbox and inside laid the most magnificent present I have ever received. It was a Christmas card from my favorite elder man. I opened it up and read what he had written. It stated how last year was the most difficult time in his life and he was sorry he did not send me a card back. He wrote he missed our family and it was nice seeing us again. He also saved my card from last year because he thought it was so nice. And he signed it with, “We didn’t forget”. Well my heart filled with so much joy and the tears flowed non-stop. After all these years, I know I have made a difference in someone’s life and he and his wife have definitely made a difference in mine. I did not have anything to do today but my purpose became clear. I immediately ran out and purchased him a personal Christmas card of his very own and included a little key chain, in memory of his wife, with the Corinthians passage of, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” I know he misses his wife terribly and I shared with him the many things he made my heart feel today. I will forever be grateful for the little Christmas card that reminded me of the true reason why I send out cards; to let people know they are never alone.

Merry Christmas Mr. & Mrs. M.

Thank you for reading! If you have a story/message that you would like to share and it fits into the topics on Always Believe, please email us. Guest Writers are always welcome!

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“Like the body, the soul must also be nourished daily.”

Thankful For Not What But Who

That time of year is coming up where it is custom to stop and reflect upon what we are thankful for in our lives. Although I make a habit of continually thinking about what I’m grateful for at the end of each day, I contend celebrating a day of gratitude is better than not doing it at all. A wonderful activity I have done with students is making a Gratitude Tree. Writing what you are thankful for on the leaves and then hanging them up on the tree is a beneficial experience because the process involves reflection, awareness, manifestation, and celebration.

This year has definitely been a rollercoaster, as life is. In the ascension, I’ve experienced much love, joy, and happiness. On the way down, I’ve also experienced many losses, mistakes and heartache. Being grateful for the good seems to be easier than the not so good. In the latter, I have looked at what has not gone well as opportunities to learn and grow and of course to keep believing which only serves to strengthen my faith.

As I continue to develop emotionally and spiritually, my perspective on gratitude changes. Material success is great but money cannot buy everything including happiness. If anything, I believe money should serve you by adding to your already happy state; it should not be the basis for happiness. Although I’m thankful for the material things I have acquired over the year, I am more thankful for the new friendships I’ve made. I’m happy to be reconnected to old friends and for having spent some precious quality time with my family and friends. I’m thankful for time spent with my pets. (My cat actually just passed on a few days ago.) I’m excited about having helped those in need. I’m indebted with the fabulous surprises unexpected people provided me. I’m thrilled about the people I have yet to meet. I believe having all the success in the world is worthless if you have no one to share it with. I look at who is in my life and I feel I have succeeded thus far. So it goes to say, when contemplating my success, I don’t look at what I have in my life, I look at who I have in my life.

Give Wings to Others

I’ve been thinking a lot about my spiritual path and my life purpose and trying to figure out what it is that I am meant to be doing. I’m keeping an open mind and exploring new options. I am in the middle of planning a Reiki session with a Master/Teacher. Reiki intrigues me because it involves working with energy and your hands; two things which greatly interest me. I know I enjoy helping others but I am not quite certain in what capacity. It gives me joy to help my friends realize what they love doing and offering guidance in taking steps toward the directions of their dreams. It’s kind of like giving them a pair of wings, so they can begin to fly. On the other side of that also lies frustration because just showing someone the door they’ve longed to see doesn’t mean they will go through it. And I can’t shove them through it because it’s not my place or decision to make that choice for them. I take solace in the fact that I’ve helped them acknowledge that an opportunity is there and as their friend I will support whatever decision they would like to make. As I reflected on this I believe it is always important to be encouraging or inspirational to someone else. It never takes a lot of effort to say, "I believe in you!" or "You can do it!" You never know how a simple supportive statement can affect someone. It may just be what someone needed to hear to change their lives.