Feeling Blue is Okay Too

I understand why it is more beneficial to focus on the positive. I agree that thinking negatively only adds to the problem and makes it grow into something worse. I have practiced being grateful for the many things I have in my life which makes the small troubles seem insignificant when compared to the greater whole. I know if you leave sadness unattended it can turn into an extreme emotion since I had the unpleasant experience of wallowing in misery so long that it turned into clinical depression. I can empathize with someone else’s pain while wanting to find solutions in order to ease it. I completely comprehend wanting to stay aligned in the realm of good feelings so as to not become enveloped in the bad ones.

But what is it about the state of feeling sad that many want to eradicate before it even exists? Feeling sad is not a crime nor is it a disease. It is not something to hide and one certainly should not feel ashamed because they feel sad. Sadness need not automatically be thought of as being a bad thing. It’s a natural emotion. When I feel sad, I should not just disregard it by trying to quickly think of something happy to cheer me up. I would not want to. I need to sit with my sadness for awhile so I can understand why it’s there in the first place. Feeling sad is a good indicator that something is amiss and needs one’s attention. And when I’m looking for support, I need someone to listen to me and let me be sad for a bit. I don’t always readily need a solution or an answer to regain my happy state but rather just a kind, supportive, attentive ear.

During the holidays, I feel many wonderful emotions but sadness seems to be more prevalent for me at this time. The holiday season tends to bring some gloomy emotions with it for many others too. Even though I’m grateful for all that I have, I am also saddened by the things in my life that are not yet fulfilled. There in me lies a hole that cannot be filled with what I currently have or am. I do not take this emptiness to mean that I am incomplete, rather that I’m still in progress. These unfulfilled goals and dreams, tug at my heart and let me know how much I wish them to become realized. When my sadness has lifted, my focus then becomes on making sure I do everything I am able to do to make certain that I stay on the path of fulfillment as defined by me. But until the sadness slips away, I am okay with feeling sad because I know happiness is just another feeling away. Emotions are a balancing act and it takes some practice to find the right footing between them.

No one can be happy all the time. If I were happy all the time, I would not truly be living life as an emotional human being. One cannot truly know one emotion without experiencing the other side of it. And as much as I support keeping a positive mindset, I also believe in acknowledging our antagonistic emotions. Being able to keep up a positive outlook on life enables us to retain better resiliency when events pull us down. Create or nurture a state of happiness within which can always be your anchor in times of distress.

I Choose Who I Am

"To be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle that any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." ~E.E. Cummings

I mentioned briefly in my last journal entry how I was working on being who I wanted to be and not who others thought I should be. A lovely comment was left that brought back this memory from my eighth grade retreat and the above insightful quote from E.E. Cummings. During this retreat, we were sitting around in our small groups talking about ourselves and this girl, to my surprise, was so envious of me because others thought me to be this quiet girl who didn’t say much so I was never expected to say much. She was what some would call the class clown and always felt the need to perform for others because that’s the role others expected her to play. She wished that she could just be quiet sometimes like me. Even then, she knew that when people put labels on us, we then naturally become what others expect us to be. What she didn’t know, and of course what I didn’t share at the time, was that I was not this shy quiet girl. I felt I was actually quite friendly and outgoing on the inside but it never came to the surface because from my childlike perspective I thought I must be wrong and what others saw must be right.

Moving into young adulthood, I carried that label with me until someone saw something different. I was in a marketing class I loved and at the end of the class my teacher told me how friendly, well spoken, and charismatic I was and it completely shattered the inaccurate mold I had been suffering in all those long years and reinforced what I had always believed deep in my heart. She never knew what an incredible gift she gave me by shining the light on who I truly was but I am indebted to her for her clear vision. One person absolutely helped changed my world and I promised myself to continue to live up to who I truly was thereafter. I think we spend so much time living up to others people’s expectations that we tend to forget who we really are and what we really want. Then there are times that we have been living with this mislabeled life so long that we do not know how to let our true selves out.

Fear and guilt may hinder our true light from shining. I was definitely the devoted daughter who always cleaned up everyone else’s mess. I was the friend who always said yes even when I didn’t want to. I was the passive girl who did not take a stand when I felt wronged. I was all these things and realized I was destroying myself by not honoring who I actually was. I learned that if I stepped back, the people I always used to take care of, would begin taking care of themselves; and if they didn’t know how then they would learn because that is part of being a responsible adult. It was not my job to take charge of anyone else’s life or to change it.

People will not fall apart without your help. They can and will go on but if you choose to remain in a role that enables them to misuse you then they will never learn what they need to. You are actually impeding their growth. I learned that people needed someone like me to take on a supporting role in their life because it made them feel better and it meant they didn’t have to work as hard. Upon this realization, I no longer felt obligated to play second best. There was no reason living a life less than I deserved. I was miserable existing with the label others placed upon me. I had my own life in which I was the starring role and it was time to start living it. Even though other people expect us to serve certain roles for their own purposes, we do not have to become them. I may entertain a character every so often but not so much that it overtakes who I am. 

The late, great Jim Rohn stated, “If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."

Say it loud and proud: I deserve to be happy and I will no longer be what everyone else needs me to be. I am my own person who follows my heart and will become who I want to be. I will live my life, choose my role and make my rules all for me.

In certain moments, at certain times in your life, a stand must be taken and a choice must be made. You are never who others say you are. No one gets to decide who you are except you. It is always your choice to choose who you want to be. Who do you really want to be?

Feeling My Heart

I think like most people, I have come to the bitter realization of how much I appreciated something or someone only after experiencing the loss of its existence in my life. A new perspective of being filled with complete bliss in the presence of an exciting opportunity has been born into my emotional consciousness. This joyous feeling is more than being excited about a new beginning it is rather an insight into how much my heart yearns for this to come to fruition. I actually did not know how much I wanted this opportunity until it was right there in front of me and I was feeling the effect of its affect. I know logically what I want but now that I am becoming more heart focused I am feeling how much I want things to change. The heart that has been stifled for years is now breaking free and expressing itself at such a level that it is impossible to ignore.

Being heart centered instead of analytically focused is a shift my soul has been suggesting I make. I trust this shift will guide me to what is best for me. I am now coming to the belief that the heart is happy to guide the person who always walks in faith. Shifting focus will help me explore new avenues and embrace new circumstances. I will become the person who I was meant to be and not the one everyone else thought I should be. I will learn to shed the many layers of my old self and let the true me shine forth. As said by Noah benShea, “Our heart knows what our mind only thinks it knows.” If I asked my mind what I really wanted it would scream whatever I wanted to hear, but if I asked my heart, it would quietly tell me what I needed to know. I work everyday to keep myself quiet long enough so I can hear the thoughtful whispers of my soul. It takes only seconds to be quiet, be still and listen.

The Long Pauses

The period between the dream and the realization of the dream can be filled with excited anticipation on good days and permeated with frustration on other days. This waiting around can truly test a person’s patience and faith. I have often wondered what I should do when I experience a slight pause. I came across a new book, Infinite Possibilities, by Mike Dooley (www.tut.com) and found he had some insightful answers to my quandaries.

He writes, “Lulls can be looked at as gifts – the calm before the storms of glorious manifestation – and when you recast them in this light, they can even be transformed into some of the happier times of your life, almost as vacations between spurts of creative living.” (143-144) I believe this to be the most beneficial way to look at these pauses in between the idea and the actual completion of the goal. Instead of standing still waiting for something to happen, get moving and make your dream life happen. You don’t have to do everything but you do have to do something. A small action will create a great ripple effect within the Universe and help deliver to you what you desire. I ask myself what can I do that will add more happiness to my life. I can take a class I have always wanted to take. I can start planning vacations I wish to go on even though I may not have the funds as of yet; It doesn’t cost anything to do the research. I can go test drive a new car. I can review my vision board and make sure it serves as an accurate reflection of everything I want. I can review my thinking to make sure I actually believe I can have everything I desire so I can really help manifest it. I can start exercising again and not necessarily at the gym but rather outside in Mother Nature’s fresh air. The point is there are many things I can do besides sit around and wait. Misery doesn’t just love company; it also loves immobility so take action.

And of course, I can always choose to keep a positive frame of mind. “The lull you’re experiencing is just giving the Universe time to orchestrate a relatively complicated yet fantastic, ‘surprise party’”. (141) I’m ready for my surprise!

Focus Out

“Sometimes a miracle is a seed that is planted in time. Years later it manifests, and you never know what part of the sunlight you were to help it germinate to fruition. Maybe what you are currently doing is not about you but about the miracle you are creating for someone in need.” (What Is Your Life’s Mission)

I receive this monthly newsletter called, Angel Scribe, and the above story offered a perspective I easily overlook at times. In my current career, I hear wonderful things from my clients such as, “You are a blessing” and “We are so grateful we found you” and while I appreciate the comments I don’t really think I stop and actually “hear” them. Even though I am in the process of moving onto something else I need to recognize that I have served a great purpose for others. I am grateful for the opportunity to have been what people have needed at the time they needed it. We all serve a purpose and are placed in moments not necessarily for ourselves but to be of service to others. We are specifically chosen to be someone else’s miracle because of our unique talents, gifts, and character; no one else could do it better. That knowledge, in and of itself should make anyone feel like a star.

As Mary Ellen, from Angel Scribe has said, “So, the message is...not everything is about you. Be the sun's radiant magic to someone's miracle; change a life.”

“The Best Laid Plans…”

I receive these short but sweet weekly inspirational emails from different people and more often than not they are usually very helpful. Some offer what I need to hear at the exact time I need to hear it; some offer insight to help further expand my thinking and open my heart; and some are simple reminders to lessons I have already learned.

Today I received this inspirational email from Neale Donald Walsch which stated, “When life is 'falling apart' things could actually be falling together...maybe for the first time.”

I’m in the middle of many changes however other important people in my life are in the midst of great change as well. I had a plan in mind to get from here to there which involved some of these friends but because changes have begun to occur in their lives my plan is no longer viable. I have resigned to the fact that my idea of how things should go was not in accordance to how the universe saw what needed to occur in order for me to stay on the path for my desired end result. I could have become upset but instead I am choosing to trust that another plan, a greater plan, is in the works and even though it appears as if everything is falling apart, everything is actually just being reorganized so it can all come together as it should.

Mind and Heart Exercise

You know you have a challenging week when you are already tired, frustrated and anxious on a Monday. This week is going to be a busy one and will require extra energy to stay calm, relaxed and balanced. Even if all I have time for is some deep breathing exercises I will be sure to fit that in. To balance the surplus amount of energy in my head and begin moving that energy toward my heart my Spiritual Counselor gave me the following exercise I thought others might benefit from as well.

Think of the busy energy in the head as a color that represents that. Maybe it's a mass of colors moving all around in the head area. Now send it LOVE, by sending PINK in from the top chakra (crown) pushing it down and mixing in with it until it is ALL pink, flowing down to your heart. Sending it all love, with thoughts of love and appreciating for how hard your mind works to take care of things in your life and you! Send the love back up into the head until you just feel peacefulness throughout.

Just For Today…Reiki Principles

I received my Reiki book yesterday and was thumbing through it when I came across this version (there are many) of the Reiki Principles by Larry Arnold Sandy Nevius:

Just for today I will give thanks for my many blessings.
Just for today I will not worry.
Just for today I will not be angry.
Just for today I will do my work honestly.
Just for today I will be kind to my neighbor and every living thing.

As I have written, I am working on being happy in my present situation so I will remain in a positive state of mind which will allow many new opportunities to enter my life. Being able to be present in the “Now” also invites open communication with the Spirit World because they are also in the present moment. I believe these principles are an excellent way to begin embracing the “Now”. It is also a great opportunity to make my own, “Just for today” mantras to be able to express my gratitude for anything and everything; and I am able to accept responsibility for my attitude and my actions.

Family Ideal

We change and grow together or we change and grow apart. The latter is not an option. Failure is not expected. We strive for success. We choose to embrace one another and if one of us needs to embark on a new adventure then we all unite and move forward in the direction that beckons one of us to go. Change may shape us differently but we will never allow it to set asunder what we represent. Although we are individuals, differing in many profound ways, our differences do not separate us; they complement who we are as a whole making us stronger together. We each fly out in the direction that enchants our hearts but are always able to return and find solace in our home. Our uniqueness adds meaning to us. It is the essence of who we are. There is a special power in being able to come together to make a unified whole. We support and guide each other, give and take, atone and forgive, accept and acknowledge, love and cherish. We are a family.

I did the above free writing because my little writing angel or angels have been in my ear about the topic of family. I know I’m supposed to write when certain lines go through my mind non-stop until I put pen to paper then all is quiet again. Sometimes the lines go faster than I can type but since they are always repeated I eventually catch up. I stopped and looked at what I had written and hoped to include this idea of what a family could be into my life when I choose to begin my own family. Everyone knows there is no such thing as a perfect family but I have seen some families that come close to the ideal I have free written about. There are families that no matter their differences, or mistakes, or transgressions, they can always find a way to support and love one another. In their family ideal, their resolute is that love does conquer all. During the holidays, when families convene together, some families assemble in peace and other families come together under an umbrella of stress. When family tension arises, it is hard to be thankful for them in same moment you would rather not know them. I can certainly identify with this but I do my best to remember why I need to stay positive. I tell myself I may not be able to see them next year for whatever reason or I can remember to present compassion because I know they are still growing and have much to learn. Basically, I try to take the high road simply because I know I can. My family is not perfect and passing judgment seems to be easier for them than dispensing love however I still love and accept my family as they are. They are their own people and I am mine. When all is said in done, when a crisis arrives, everyone forgoes their egos and bands together to conquer whatever has attacked us. This is a familial strength I admire about us.

There are also those who do not have families, at least of the biological kind. And honestly, family consists of whomever you invite into your life with love. It is who you surround yourself with in good and bad times. Some families consist of friends, neighbors, and colleagues. I definitely have friends I consider to be a part of my family. These people can be considered more precious simply because they are freely chosen and not biologically destined. Family can also include pets and places. Just as there are a variety of ways to translate the word family, there are even numerous more ways to translate its meaning. I have a family ideal in my mind which resonates well for me and each person has to ascertain what will work best for them. It is also worthwhile to note that the family ideal does not begin with everyone; it begins with one.

Embrace your family today and reach out to anyone who may be spending today alone. Merry Christmas!

The Little Christmas Card

I have always sent out Christmas cards every year since I was a teenager. I would send them out to everyone including people I have not talked to in months and to people I have not seen in years. This year, not feeling in tune with the Christmas Spirit, I chose not to send out any cards. And of course the one year I choose not to do this is the year I get the most wonderful unexpected surprise of my life. When I was around 5 years old, my parents and my two younger brothers, moved next door to this elderly couple. From the moment we moved in, it was clear that there was some discord between them and our family. Years passed by and many battles over noise, land, trespassing, and other disputes caused me to not like them and in turn I figured they hated us. We also heard they did not like their own children so we concluded for certain that they did not like my brothers and me. Years later after my mother’s divorce, things began to change and a reconciling slowly took place due to the fact my mom always extended a kind hand their way. If she saw them, she would always stop and chat for a bit especially with the woman. The elderly woman began to have many health problems and my mother would always show concern for her well being. If the man was working on something, my mom would offer a compliment on a job well done. Before my brothers and I knew it, these cold, hard people actually became warm and friendly. If we walked by, they would stop and talk to us. We, in time, thought of them as our adopted grandparents.

Eventually we all moved away but the couple remained there in the old neighborhood. I kept in touch via my yearly Christmas card, even though I never received one back in return. It did not matter though because I do not send out cards in order to receive. My purpose is just to give. Last December, my mom flew into town and we decided to go and visit our favorite elderly couple. I had already sent them their Christmas card. Upon our visit, we learned his wife had passed away a few months back. One of his daughter’s had come to live with him and it was apparent how distraught he was. But in his grief, he turned to me and thanked me for the beautiful card I had sent him. I thought about him on the ride home and how a life without her would be very hard for him. The story of how they met is what helps me continue to believe in romantic soul mates.

Today, I opened my mailbox and inside laid the most magnificent present I have ever received. It was a Christmas card from my favorite elder man. I opened it up and read what he had written. It stated how last year was the most difficult time in his life and he was sorry he did not send me a card back. He wrote he missed our family and it was nice seeing us again. He also saved my card from last year because he thought it was so nice. And he signed it with, “We didn’t forget”. Well my heart filled with so much joy and the tears flowed non-stop. After all these years, I know I have made a difference in someone’s life and he and his wife have definitely made a difference in mine. I did not have anything to do today but my purpose became clear. I immediately ran out and purchased him a personal Christmas card of his very own and included a little key chain, in memory of his wife, with the Corinthians passage of, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” I know he misses his wife terribly and I shared with him the many things he made my heart feel today. I will forever be grateful for the little Christmas card that reminded me of the true reason why I send out cards; to let people know they are never alone.

Merry Christmas Mr. & Mrs. M.

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